Mayumi pushed her body forward against the steering wheel and pulled the fabric of her T-shirt away from her sweating back. Sunlight poured through the driver’s side window and she silently cursed her friend. The idle of the car’s electronic motor was barely perceptible as she re-positioned the air-con to blow directly into her face. She took a deep breath and let her mind wander. The tension in her body was just beginning to ease when the car gave a shudder and she was startled back to her thoughts. It was her first time driving a hybrid, but Mayumi was unable to separate her feelings about the car from the negative experience of the day as a whole. It was her friend’s car, and she was sitting in a highway rest area car park waiting for her to return from the bathroom. She tried to count how many times the car had surprised her in order to have some idea how long she’d been waiting. She’d already had enough of waiting today.
The day had started inauspiciously. She’d leaned against the wall in front of her parents’ house and waited. The temperature was already getting towards thirty-five and the humidity added that unbearable thick stickiness that accompanies the beginning of summer in south-western Japan. Mayumi knew that her discomfort was partly her fault. The road was visible from the dining room window. In the digital age people were less likely to be right on time and she was often kept waiting.
She was waiting in the heat because she’d had another run-in with her father and she couldn’t stand to hear him say anything else that morning. The conversation had followed the same pattern they usually did. He asked what she was doing to find a husband. They didn’t want to support her forever. Her father would conveniently forget that they owned their house freehold and they actually made a profit on the board she paid. She knew that, in his way, her father meant well and that the reason it annoyed her so much is that it rang true. What really scared her was the possibility that in another few years he would stop asking. Mayumi was at a horrible time of her life, mid-twenties and single, with no prospect of a husband at her company or in her small social circle. She edged her way along her parents’ stone wall so they wouldn’t see that her friend was late. As angry as she might be with Mana, she didn’t want to let her parents think ill of her friend. It wasn’t so much Mana’s lateness that irritated her, but the idea that their relationship would continue the way it left off two years ago. She felt her jaw begin to clench despite herself. She didn’t want to be angry at her before they’d even reunited.
Mayumi and Mana had been friends since elementary school. Mana was strong-willed and not afraid to go against the crowd. Having a rebellious streak herself, but not confident enough to let it show overtly, Mayumi was happy to follow. They complimented each other in this way through high school. They both went to university in their hometown and they vowed to stay close through life. Mayumi had always imagined that they might work for the same company and meet a couple of nice career men. They could even have a joint wedding.
They were supposed to travel overseas together. They’d spent months looking at hostels, farm stays, and other activities. But Mayumi couldn’t go through with it. The thought of putting herself in a strange environment caused her too much stress. She had hoped that her friend’s enthusiasm would wane as hers had, but when it didn’t, she had to take action. Mayumi had never broken up with anyone before, but she imagined that telling Mana she wasn’t going to New Zealand might be what it felt like. There was a long silence at the other end of the phone line.
“Why?” Mana’s voice was soft, hurt.
“My parents don’t think it’s a good use of my time,” she lied. Her parents were delighted she was extending herself. Mayumi thought that they would go to the travel agent and cancel the trip together. She hadn’t considered the possibility that her friend might still go.
The pair had parted amicably but not warmly before Mana left Japan. They exchanged emails that were full of news but seemed to lack the depth of their previous exchanges. Over the course of the year, their emails became shorter, and then less frequent. Mayumi learned from a mutual friend that Mana had extended her stay in New Zealand for a second year. It completed the feeling of abandonment she felt.
Mana’s silver hybrid turned into the narrow street. Mana waved at her excitedly through the windshield as the car approached and Mayumi couldn’t help but smile. Mana was like that. When you were together, she was with you one hundred percent. As if you were the most special person on Earth. Mayumi often wondered whether she was special to Mana at all, or whether this was the way she treated everyone. Perhaps all Mana saw was the reflection of herself in the person she was with.
A wave of cool, stale air washed over her as she climbed into the passenger seat.
“I can’t believe you’re standing outside,” Mana said. “I would’ve sent you a message when I arrived.”
They embraced awkwardly over the partition between the seats. Mana’s car was messy. Half-empty iced coffee cups were in both drink holders. Mayumi had to clear a space for her feet amongst the rubbish on the passenger side floor. She leaned back. She could feel the slight sting of sweat trying to escape her hairline and squirmed as she felt a drop falling from her underarm onto the sleeve of her loose T-shirt.
“How are you?” Mana grabbed Mayumi’s hand with exuberance. Mayumi was very aware of her friend’s elbow which was perilously close to spilling coffee all over her.
“There’s so much I want to talk about … wait, where did you tell your parents we were going?”
Mayumi grinned. It felt good to be breaking the rules with her friend.
“I said we were going to Universal Studios,” she said. “You?”
“My parents let me do my own thing these days. I am a grown-up now.” Mayumi’s joy started to drain away. There was a hint of superiority in her friend’s voice.
“Do you want to go to Universal Studios?” Mana said. “We can.”
“No. I’m alright,” Mayumi said. “I’ve been looking forward to it.”
“Me too,” Mana smiled.
They pulled away from the house.
“You have not.” Mayumi grinned at Mana.
“What?”
“Been looking forward to it,” Mayumi said. “I’m fairly sure that you’re only making this trip for me.”
Mana smiled at her. Mayumi hoped that Mana would try to reassure her further, but she didn’t. When Mayumi had emailed her friend about the trip, she had felt like she needed to remind Mana of the pact they had made at the end of high school. When they had agreed to make a pilgrimage to pray for husbands, the idea that they wouldn’t be married before they were twenty-seven was unthinkable. That Mana hadn’t thought about this as much as she had didn’t surprise Mayumi at all.
“I’ve been really looking forward to sharing some music with you,” Mana said, as she fumbled with the stereo controls. Mayumi’s heart sank further. When she’d imagined this trip, it had always been with a soundtrack of the popular music they’d grown up with.
“New Zealand music is really influenced by the Pacific Islands,” Mana said.
It sounded to Mayumi as though the song had been stretched, like they were listening to the opening few bars at half-speed, and the band was about to kick in. It reminded her of the beach music that had been popular a few years ago. Where a guy wearing no shirt played an acoustic guitar while sitting on a piece of driftwood. Mayumi had always considered it lazy music. Mana moved her head in slow motion to a beat that was barely discernible. Its pace didn’t suit driving at all because there was nothing propelling the song forward. The sounds that were being produced didn’t seem to have cohesion or direction.
“What do you think?” Mana asked.
“I’ll have to get used to it,” Mayumi said. “I’ve never heard anything like it before.”
“That’s just how I felt,” Mana said. She smiled broadly. “There’s so much I want to tell you about.”
Mana’s positivity was infectious and Mayumi was swept up in her friend’s stories of another world. It seemed as though Mana’s experience in New Zealand consisted of drinking in bars, working on farms, and relationships where she’d almost, but not quite, been in love.
“I really have to stop at the next rest stop. I’m getting some major cramps,” Mana said. Mayumi stared at her for a second. She was a self-confessed prude and she’d thought that she and her friend had an unspoken understanding to only refer to their menstrual cycles euphemistically.
“You’re still so coy,” Mana said. “It’s cute.” Mayumi closed her mouth. They pulled off the highway into a rest area.
“What are you going to wish for?” Mayumi asked when they were back on the road.
“I’m not really sure, yet. Life’s so confusing. Do you know?”
“Just the same as I wanted in high school.” Mayumi wasn’t sure she should continue.
“Do you remember the futures that we talked about in high school? Does that still mean anything to you?”
Mayumi hadn’t meant it to sound as accusing as it did. She genuinely wanted to know.
“Of course it does,” Mana was looking at Mayumi sadly. “It’s very important for me to be close to you.”
“Do you want to stay in Japan?”
Mana gave this question enough consideration to appease Mayumi.
“Yes, I do.”
The shrine was busier than they’d expected. Back in high school they’d talked about sitting and eating ice cream while talking about what they were going to pray for. By the time they’d walked the hundred metres from the car park to the shrine gates they needed one. They were dripping with sweat. Mana managed to secure them some cramped seats on a small bench while Mayumi went to buy their ice creams and the small wooden prayer tablets. Mayumi ate her soft serve quickly, before it melted all over her hands, but Mana only took a few token bites before throwing it in the bin. She didn’t seem to have her normal enthusiasm and looked distracted. Markers were procured from Mayumi’s handbag and they started writing their prayers, resting their tablets on their laps, perched between a group of elderly women and a young family.
Mayumi knew what she wanted to wish for but felt vulnerable putting it into straightforward language. She wanted to meet somebody, a man. She didn’t know if she was supposed to be more specific. It’s easy to go through life being vague about the things you want. That way you don’t have to take any real action. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine her ideal man. She didn’t want to narrow her chances by being too specific. Of course, he had to be financially secure and ready to start a family. It would be alright if he was a little older than her, men usually weren’t ready to settle as early as women. He had to be warm, with strong family values. She felt foolish. It was like she was answering a questionnaire for a mail-order bride. She guessed that in a way, it was. She wondered when it had happened, when was the precise moment that she changed from being a girl who expected to be fallen in love with and proposed to naturally, to someone who was seeking divine help?
She hadn’t written anything yet. She glanced at Mana who had been writing steadily. Her kanji flowed beautifully, stacked in towers of knowledge about herself and what she wanted. Mana never had trouble finding the words.
“Ah,” Mana put down her pen and tablet in frustration. Mayumi thought she’d been caught spying. “Toilet again.” Mana walked quickly towards the small toilet building which was being utilised by a steady stream of elderly pilgrims. Mayumi was glad that she could wait for a stop along the highway.
Mana’s tablet was lying face down on the bench. Mayumi tried to justify herself with the thought that her friend told her everything, far more than she wanted to hear most of the time. But as she reached for the tablet she hesitated. And as she read it, she knew she was doing something wrong.
Ten minutes later, they were back on the highway. Mayumi was driving and Mana was in the passenger seat with her legs pulled up to her chest. They’d only been at the shrine for twenty-five minutes, but it had been enough for both of them. They’d intended to buy charms for the coming year and have a look around the shrine’s surrounding buildings but Mana wanted to get started for home and Mayumi was looking forward to the trip being over. It hadn’t gone the way she’d imagined it and she was disappointed in her friend. Mana put on her droning New Zealand music.
“Thanks for hanging mine for me,” Mana said. “Did you write my name on it?”
“Yes, name and address. You know how the gods like specificity.”
Mana gave a weak smile.
“Did you read mine?”
“No, of course not.”
“I really want to talk to you about it, but I don’t feel well enough right now.”
Mana fell asleep and Mayumi was glad she didn’t have to pretend everything was fine. She suffered through an album of Mana’s new music before changing it to J-pop. On the outskirts of their city Mana woke up and said she needed a bathroom stop. It was typical of Mana to be unable to wait another half an hour to be home and Mayumi struggled not to snap at her.
In the rest area car park, the car shuddered to life, bringing Mayumi back from her thoughts. Mana had been gone a long time now and she was getting worried.
When she entered the convenience store, Mana was still waiting outside the toilet door. She looked miserable. She held a small convenience store plastic bag with the pads she had just bought. It was one of Mayumi’s private fears that people would know she was in the toilet attending to her period, but Mana hadn’t bothered to cover the label. Mayumi went over and stood next to her.
“Thanks for coming in. Sorry to be a pain.”
“No, it’s alright. Are you going to be OK?”
“Look, I really want to say something.” Mayumi looked at her but Mana remained silent, lost in thought. The toilet flushed and there was shuffling behind the door that gave too little privacy. Mana looked like she was trying to blurt something out. “I really like—” The cubicle door burst open and an old man tottered out.
“Could we have a chat before we get going again?” Mana gave a weak smile and disappeared. Mayumi wandered to the chocolate aisle and gazed listlessly at the coloured packages. She didn’t want to hear from Mana. Whether she wanted to stay in Japan, or return to New Zealand, right now Mayumi didn’t care.
Seeing foreigners at a stop along the highway wasn’t unusual, and there was a steady stream of customers through the convenience store, but Mayumi was startled when she was approached directly. He was about her age and his polite smile gave his face a friendliness that was unfamiliar in a foreigner.
“Excuse me,” he said in poor Japanese. And then in English, “Can you speak English?”
Mayumi used her default response for whenever anyone spoke to her in English.
“Sorry, I can’t speak English.” She intentionally stumbled over her pronunciation to discourage him further. Contrary to her efforts, the foreigner continued. Mayumi could understand the gist of what he was saying. He was starting a teaching contract but had arrived in the city a day earlier than he was expected and he couldn’t contact his school until tomorrow. He wanted directions to a hostel.
“I’m sorry, I can’t understand,” Mayumi lied. The guy looked around desperately.
“I’m a little out of my depth. I didn’t realise how little English was spoken when you get out of the big cities. Do you know where I could get some help?”
Mayumi felt sorry for him. He looked so forlorn. She thought about her friend in the bathroom. She was sure that Mana would be happy to help him. Excited to be introduced to a foreigner new to the city. She remembered how frustrated she’d been with her friend all day. She had been lied to.
“Sorry, I don’t know.”
Mayumi left the foreigner standing in front of the chocolate bars.
Mana emerged from the toilet cubicle. She looked drained but had a smile on her face. Mana shuffled over to Mayumi and hugged her. It was a hug unlike any that Mayumi had ever experienced before. Not because of the force, but the desperation with which she was being held. They sat down at a small plastic table within the store, enjoying the air conditioner.
“I really liked a guy in New Zealand.”
“I knew it.” Mayumi failed to keep the annoyance out of her voice.
“I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d be disappointed.”
“So you’re going back?”
Mana looked away. “No, it didn’t work out.”
“I’m sorry.” Mayumi didn’t sound sorry.
“I need some help. I’ve had a terrible month back in Japan. I haven’t been able to tell my parents and I’m scared to go to a doctor.”
“I don’t understand.” There was concern in her voice now.
“My period was very heavy today.” Mana smiled wanly at Mayumi’s discomfort. “But I was very relieved it came.”
Mayumi’s mouth fell open.
“The relationship ended badly, and—well, he just wasn’t the guy that I thought he was.”
Mayumi could only stare at her friend.
“I’m sorry to drop this on you. I wish I’d told you earlier. I should’ve known you’d be supportive.”
Mayumi knew what was coming next and she didn’t want to hear it.
“And, I have one more confession—”
“You don’t have t—”
“No, I really want to,” Mana said. “I lied today and I’m really sorry. At the shrine, I wished to meet a foreigner. I was afraid to tell you, but now I know I shouldn’t have been.”
Mana was looking up at Mayumi with wide eyes and a smile which showed a weight had been lifted. It was a similar weight to the one Mayumi now felt in her stomach. Mayumi stood up. She looked desperately around the convenience store but she couldn’t see the guy. Leaving her friend confused at the table, she rushed outside and looked around the car park. She saw him with a couple of Japanese guys. They were getting into a car. When he saw Mayumi, he nodded to her politely and smiled. She walked slowly back into the convenience store and sat down next to her friend.
That evening Mayumi drove to her family’s local shrine. This shrine wasn’t famous for finding lovers, but praying for the general health and happiness of family and friends. She entered reverently and threw a couple of coins into the box to pay for her prayers. She approached the shrine itself and clapped and bowed and rang the bell, paying closer attention to the order of those things than she had ever done before. She sat down on a bench close to the rack where the prayers were hung and pulled two tablets out of her bag. The first read:
I would like to meet a foreigner. I don’t think a Japanese guy will understand me. Please give me the strength to ask Mayumi for help.
Under her friend’s prayer she wrote Mana’s name in kanji. The second tablet was empty. Mayumi pulled a marker from her bag and wrote:
I want my friend to get everything she wants.
She signed her name, hung the two tablets, and walked out of the shrine.